I have a lot of realization during my early college life. When I first step into the new chapter of my life, I must admit, like any other teenagers, I was really confused. I kept on asking myself, why did I end up studying here? Did I make the right choices? Is this really what I want? Is this really the right place for me? Tons of questions flowed around my mind but yet I stick with my decision, I should go here. I should study this. I should be happy.
A friend once told me that whenever you make choices you should never regret what decision you have made. So here I am still, living the decisions I made in my life.
When I was in my sophomore year, I was beginning to regret the choices I have made. Nursing was the most in demand course during that time. Most of my friends chose that field for they wanted to work abroad and become rich. Apparently, I envied them. After all, though not all of them are really interested in that course, they were still together. They still go to malls, bar hop, and doing some stuffs together, just like high school. I can’t say that in college I did not find real friends, but High School friends are different. They are the ones who grew and lived with you. But during the times that I was alone, I realized, friends do come and go. Yes, maybe I spent the happiest chapter of my life with them, but still, I need or rather I must grow alone. I can’t be attached to them forever. I remembered the oath that we took during graduation: That growing apart maybe difficult but you should face it alone so that when you are in the real world, you will not be afraid to step up.
I continued studying Information Systems here at CSB. I am beginning to love school, but then suddenly I needed to stop. My father was in the worst stage of diabetes and my mother alone can’t support me and my brothers. We decided to go to Japan to start a new life. At first, I wasn’t sure if this will be best for me. But I know that this is the best for my family. I gave up my dreams of becoming an IT professional. I started studying again. New school, new friends and a different environment. I enjoyed the first couple of months there. But still, I can’t deny the fact that I left someone behind. I have a special friend for 2months when I left the country. Two months is such a short span of time but still I felt secure around him. Cliché as it may sound but I’ve never been happy and contented with him. I took a chance. I asked my mother if I could still go back here to finish my studies. She agreed, so last April 2008, after 1 year and almost 6 months, I returned here. I enrolled at CSB but the main reason why I returned is not because of school, but because of him.
The first few months were all happy moments. I cherished it all, whole heartedly. With him, it seems like there were no errors, no worries and other doubtful events. I used to be happy. But the time came when he became busy and spend less time with me. I was always waiting for his extra time. Though he shows some effort, for me that was not enough. I still need more of his attention.
Living alone, away from your family is the hardest part of one’s life. I always seek attention. Unfortunately, he can’t always be there for me. He has his own life, family and friends. But me, he was the only one I have. I don’t want to punish myself endlessly for the mistakes that I have done. I should move on. Break ups is the hardest part of any relationship. We all know that fact but we should also remember that with any ending there are lessons that you should take with you no matter where you will go.
To sum up all this, the first realization is that when you make a choice, you should never regret anything. Second, friends do really come and go. Growing up in your own ways in your own time is better off than be stuck to the past chapter of your life. Lastly, it is common to us to find love during this time of our life. But we must remember that love can wait. We should take our time. And in loving someone, risking may be dangerous but thru this, we will learn a lot that can mold us into a better person.
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